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Conservative auction offers fox-hunting, polo and peasant-throttling
He just opens his articulated jaw like a snake and then swallows the cow whole A Conservative party fundraiser has helped swell the election campaign coffers, with a range of auction lots offering...
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Katie Hopkins joins Labour campaign with pledge to leave UK
Hopkins is the only female journalist whose existence was prophesied in the Book of Revelation: “Yea, and forth shall come a right bitch who will be unto you as a shard of broken glass through thine...
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3 Minute Visions: The Conservative Manifesto, by Michael Fallon
‘Safe Hands': two of the great things about Michael are that, unlike dangerously unhinged Ed, he used public funds to pay his mortgage, and achieved a drink-driving ban for no less than 18 months! In...
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Cameron pledges Good Life DVDs for everyone
A Conservative favourite, the Good Life featured a rich couple, and the peasants next door who lived off roots from the garden. David Cameron has promised that a Conservative government will ensure...
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Miliband disappointed after lesbian threesome fails to happen
“Can I join in?” Ed Miliband said he was devastated this morning, after the televised group hug between Nicola Sturgeon, Nathalie Bennett, and the Welsh one, failed to turn into something more erotic....
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Ousted Clegg, Balls and Miliband announce musical career
‘I’ll be the handsome moody one’ The ousted leader of the opposition, deputy prime minister and shadow chancellor have revealed plans for future careers in the music industry. Ed Balls, Nick Clegg and...
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Conservatives introducing ‘complete bastard’ agenda
New policies David Cameron has announced that his new Conservative majority government will bring in a series of measures “designed to showcase the hideous bastard that lies within our collective...
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Labour leadership contest: the candidates
They’re a sorry bunch, but just remember: it could be so SO much worse Following Ed Miliband’s disastrous defeat last week, we bring you an update on all the candidates who have thrown their hats into...
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Ed Miliband found rescuing kittens
“God told me to find them, bless their sweet little paws” The former Leader of the Opposition Ed Miliband has been found wandering up and down motorways rescuing kittens, according to Thames Valley...
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Labour candidates promise paperclips and Fanta
The 1926 General Strike was Corbyn’s first venture into the world of politics The candidates for the Labour leadership engaged in a TV debate in Nuneaton yesterday, unleashing a fierce battle of...
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