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Cameron ‘powerless’ to cancel deliveries of caviar
1/07/2013 “Would you like a cherry on top of that, sir?” It has emerged today that the prime minister is unable to prevent the recommendations of the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority that...
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Miliband: ‘Backwards is the new forwards’
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water… Ed Miliband confirmed today that Labour would continue using a time machine to revisit the 1970s, as part of its attempt to defeat the tories...
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Cigarettes ‘less harmful’ when sold in attractive packets
The camel picture wards off sickness and death, and makes smoking these cigarettes almost as good for you as a healthy morning jog 12/07/2013 The government has today defended its decision to defer...
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Reason for jump in economic growth revealed
The reason for the huge spike in Britain’s economic growth in the last quarter has been revealed. Between April and June, the economy grew by a staggering 0.000001%. As a result, a swaggering George...
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Miliband unveils ambitious plan for massive energy price hike in 2017
“If I go to my Special Imagination Place I can see it all now; people thronging the streets, cheering, and shouting my name. Wouldn’t it be wonderful?” Ed Miliband today wowed the audience at the...
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Daily Mail attacks Miliband’s father for not being a Nazi
It’s a good thing no one associated with the Daily Mail 80 years ago ever said anything even remotely politically or ethically unconscionable The Daily Mail has entered into a savage row with Ed...
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“Exploitation by the Big 60, not the Big 6″ promises Cameron
Ed has said he will ‘Strangle the corporations with the big red hand of socialism’ With less than eighteen months to go until the next election, David Cameron yesterday took the fight to Ed Miliband on...
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Ed Miliband’s shadow cabinet arrested
This terrorist device could go political at any moment The Home Secretary Theresa May has announced that the entire opposition front bench have been taken into custody by police, over suspicions that...
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English language ‘now finally broken beyond repair’ after John Major’s...
krrsneezlwidgetwanker? The long-suffering English language was rendered asunder this morning with an audible ‘pop’, after former tory prime minister Sir John Major accidentally stretched logic and...
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A&E units to tell 50% of people to ‘piss off’, in NHS revamp
Not Helping. Sorry. It was announced today that radical changes in the NHS will see A&E departments divided into two tiers, one where they’ll help you - provided you are about to die – and one...
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Miller explains decision to stand down at 2015 election
Andrew Miller, MP for Ellesmere Port and Neston, has explained his reasons for standing down from his seat at the 2015 General Election. Miller: “was menaced by looming shadow of Big Ben” Mr. Miller,...
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Cameron: ‘If I’m like Enoch, then Vince Cable is Mussolini’
Vince and Nick “or Benito and Adolf, as I like to call ‘em!” sneered Shapps Senior tories have rounded on Vince Cable, after the Business Secretary suggested current immigration concerns are slightly...
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RBS “to eat your children”
“Money doesn’t come into it; they do it out of the goodness of their hearts” Labour leader Ed Miliband has suggested it might not be the best thing in the world to throw all newborn children “into the...
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Benn’s illness raises haunting spectre of UK Left headed by Russell Brand
Sometimes it can be quite helpful to have someone around who knows what he’s about to say before he says it British Left-wingers were said to be in a state of dismay this morning, after much-loved...
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Tories and Labour say anti-Clegg coalition ‘is on the cards’
“What’s your opinion? You’re kidding?! It just so happens that that is *exactly* what I think, too!” The two main political parties have revealed that they are considering a power-share in the event of...
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Miliband less keen on destroying UK than Cameron
“If they weren’t so bloody close we wouldn’t get all these horrible garlicky smells wafting over the channel” Ed Miliband said today that a Labour government might refrain from letting the British...
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Miliband to link increased thinking about minimum wage to increased thinking...
Moments later Ed was hit in the face with a new ‘stealth mode’ custard pie Ed Miliband has announced that he is “going to think even harder now about the whole minimum wage thing, and really think...
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Sun in ‘posing with Miliband’ gaffe
“At least he wasn’t topless though” The Sun newspaper has apologised to readers for a “Huge error in judgement”, after a publicity photograph was released showing the paper in the hands of Ed Miliband....
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Shock as conservative paper suggests Cameron is better than Miliband
“Even the alphabet is against him, with these ethereal floating letters standing for ‘Conservatives’ll beat ‘im’!” said the Times newspaper The world of politics was rocked to its very core this...
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Miliband, Clegg deface War memorial, urinate on Unknown Soldier’s grave
Ed took a dump right on top of it Middle England was in uproar yesterday, after Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg attempted to ruin the centenary commemoration of the First World War. After laying wreaths...
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